


the concept of healing

by oceanrosiex



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 22:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13109448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanrosiex/pseuds/oceanrosiex
Summary: Oikawa gets into an accident in his second year of university. When he wakes up from his coma, he feels like there’s someone important missing from his life as he tries to recover.There’s also a secret that everyone seems to be hiding from him. And it frustrates him to no end, because past all the amnesia and therapy and memories, Oikawa almost knows it has something to do with a certain Iwaizumi Hajime.spotify playlist





	the concept of healing

**Author's Note:**

> first chapter is inspired by First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes! awesome lyrics :) i think it fits the themes of this possible story really well. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER, please excuse the bad medical terminology. i am a simple youngin who likes writing, i am not a medical professional. if you have any clarifications you'd like me to make, just leave a comment!

When he opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is a stray get-well balloon that has drifted near the moving ceiling fan right above him. He blinks slowly, wiggling his fingers but otherwise not moving at all. The low hum of the AC is like a uncomfortable buzz in his ear, and he’s not sure if he can really hear or not. If he looks to the corners of his eyes he can catch a glimpse of sunlight, presumably through curtain blinds. It might be morning, or midday. He can’t really tell. He focuses his attention back above him. The balloon looks a little deflated, as if it had been there for a while. It floats aimlessly, and unable to do anything about it, he watches as the balloon floats a little closer to the rapid circulation of the fan until -

 

The door opens suddenly, and his eyes flicker over to the new intruder, interest lost in the fate of the get-well balloon.

 

“Oh dear, that’s so dangerous, I knew that all of these gifts and such would become a problem-” The voice cuts off when their eyes make contact.

 

“O-oh dear…” The new intruder is a woman, who looks strangely familiar. Her brown hair falls to her shoulders and her eyes are round and brown and they’re tearing up. She’s wearing a sweater with comfortable-looking pants and a shopping bag is held loosely by her forgotten hands. She tries to stammer out something, but her tears overtake her. The bag is dropped on the floor and she rushes over to him. He can’t move very fast, but his eyes follow her fast enough, and she drapes herself over him gently, comforting.

  
“My baby…” She whispers, before pressing a small kiss to his forehead and rocking his upper body back and forth. Mindlessly, he allows it to happen, melting into the warm embrace. She whispers sweet nothings and he drinks it all in, memorizing her voice, relishing in her words. He missed her. He doesn’t remember who she is though. All he knows is that she feels like home. Her hair smells like cinnamon. He files this away for later use. Cinnamon reminds him of this lady. Who is this woman? He wishes he had the energy to ask, but her quiet sobs dissuade him from saying anything, and her continuous rocking eventually lulls him to close his eyes. He’s tired. He’ll worry about this when he wakes up later.

 

“Is he awake?” Another voice calls out faintly. He starts to lose interest, and the tendrils of sleep begin to creep upon him.

 

“Seriously? He’s awake! For real!!”

“Somebody get a doctor!”

“Call his friend, tell him to get up here fast!!!”

“My baby...my baby, I’m so glad you’re awake….”

“Nurse!”

  


“Oikawa!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He opens his eyes again. The get-well balloon was clearly moved to a different part of the room but drifted over above him again, and if anything it looks more deflated than it was before. Despite it’s depressing state, it’s clearly intent on getting as close to the moving ceiling fan as it possibly can before contact -

 

“Oh, he’s awake again.” His focus breaks and somebody he can’t see pulls the balloon away from his line of vision. “Um...Oikawa Tooru.” He groans a little and after squeezing his eyes shut to try and calm down the pounding in his head, he tries to sit up.

 

Instantly, there are hands that guide him into a sitting position. He sways a little but after a moment, braces himself and looks up to the rest of the room.

 

There’s quite a number of people in the room. Oh, the room. It’s clearly a hospital room. It’s a nice room, so somebody with money made sure that he was here in good conditions. He doesn’t remember how the hell he got in here though. He winces. It seems as though he has a bad temper when he wakes up.

 

He focuses his attention back onto the people in the room. There’s a doctor who is looking at him curiously and a female nurse who looks at him with something unrecognizable in her eyes. The woman from before, the one who smells like cinnamon and reminds him of home, is there, along with a man who she shares a matching ring with. They’re married, he realizes. And then beyond them, closer to the exit, there are three men who watch him, maybe holding themselves back from jumping on him? They actually seem to be around his age. He tilts his head to the size. Does he know these people?

 

“Oikawa Tooru.”

 

He coughs, and tries to speak, but the doctor says “Oikawa Tooru” again, like it’s supposed to mean something to him, but he needs to tell this doctor that the name means nothing. He doesn’t recognize that name, so they could stop repeating it in front of him and get him some water.

 

The doctor is frustrated. “Oikawa Tooru-” The doctor repeats, and he finally says,

 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know who that is!”

 

The doctor and nurse are taken aback. The cinnamon woman gasps, and her husband interwines his hand with hers. He doesn’t even see how the three guys behind them react because his head hurts again and he wants some water. “May I please have some water?” He croaks out, and a quick scan of the room confirms that there is no water and the nurse rushes out.

 

He refuses to talk to the doctor until the nurse returns and he drinks. He notices that the married couple are definitely holding themselves back now. And the three guys in the back are watching his every move.

 

“I’m sorry for confusing you before.” The doctor begins after a moment. “Can you tell me what your name is?”

 

He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” His voice sounds considerably better after having the water and he whispers a quiet thank you to the nurse who...blushes? He probably imagined it. The doctor is looking at some papers. Then he turns to look back at him.

 

“I understand. You’re probably very confused right now, am I right?”

 

He shrugs. He is confused, but it’s not a pressing matter or anything. He’s more concerned about his sudden focus on the mountain of chocolates, gift bags, and flowers in a pile at the foot of his bed. There are a lot of volleyballs there for some reason too. He doesn’t understand how something this creepy escaped his focus before.

 

“May be serious…” He hears the doctor talking with the married couple in the background. He frowns while looking over at the pile once more. “Possibly retrograde and anterograde amnesia together. Post-traumatic amnesia.”

 

There’s a smiling teddy bear with a small volleyball in its hands that looks like it’s about to topple over. Creepy.

  
“No!” There’s a desperate cry.

 

“Your name is Oikawa Tooru!” He turns and looks in the direction of the voice. It’s the cinnamon woman. She’s tearing up again and her hands are clenched tightly to her chest.

 

“My….name?” He murmurs slowly.

 

“Yes.” Her husband speaks up. “Your name is Oikawa Tooru.”

 

He blinks. “You were talking to me? My name is Oikawa Tooru?” The name sounds familiar, but it’s heavy on his tongue. It almost hurts to say it aloud.

 

“Oikawa Tooru, it seems that in your accident, your medial temporal lobe was damaged. During your coma, you were lucky and the worst parts of the damage healed over time. However, it seems as though you have sustained serious amnesia. We will have to run some tests to pinpoint exactly how you’re doing.” The doctor works as he talks, and he watches the man bustle from file to file, finally beckoning the nurse to follow him as he walks out the room. “Oikawa-san.” The doctor calls, and he looks up. “Please don’t worry. We will help you with the healing process as much as possible. In the meantime, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” The door closes.

 

He exhales. He didn't even know he was holding his breath. His name is Oikawa Tooru. He was in a coma. _For how long?_ He looks at the cinnamon woman. Before he even opens his mouth, she says “Tooru.” and he has a sudden emotion well up inside of him and burst all at once.

 

“If I’m Oikawa Tooru...does that mean you’re my-”

 

He’s cut off as the woman sobs and attacks him in a soul-enveloping hug. The man follows her, also in tears now. And Oikawa’s frozen, as these two people (his mother and father) hold tightly onto the corpse of a son they thought they lost. Bitterly, he thinks that in a way, they did lose their son. He feels bitter. Their embrace is nice and comforting, but there’s an uneasy feeling in his stomach and it makes his nerves burn.

 

After some awkward small talk, his...father has to leave, and the two of them exit the room in tears, promising to return the next morning.

 

He looks out the window. The blinds are down, like he originally thought earlier, but there’s less sunlight streaming in now, meaning that it’s either sunset or close to nighttime. It must be late.

 

And yet those three guys are still standing there. They seem to be in some sort of shock, unable to say anything unless he prompts them to.

 

He sighs. “You’ll have to introduce yourselves to me. I seem to be incapable of remembering anybody right now.”

 

The one in the middle flinches and the one with bad bed hair sighs.

 

“Oikawa, you’re really something.” Bed head mutters, and runs a hand through his hair. “Kuroo Tetsurou. We go to the same university. We’re on the same volleyball team and we have English together.” His words are slow and calculated, perhaps worried about giving away too much information or not enough? He seems so hesitant, and his eyes are assessing him, as if he’ll be triggered by some words or something.

 

“I’m on a volleyball team?”

 

“Do you remember what volleyball is at least?” Kuroo smirks a little and instantly Oikawa is ticked off. “Yes, I remember.” He replies petulantly. He feels something snarky coming up in his throat, but he pushes it back down. It seems as though Kuroo is expecting a smartass answer as well, and when he doesn’t receive it, the smirk slips off his face. It’s very depressing. Oikawa feels like he failed somehow.

 

There’s another awkward silence before the one in the middle looks up from the ground finally. “Sugawara Koushi. But you call me Suga. We’ve been best friends since we came to the same university, and we’re both pursuing scientific majors - although I’m majoring in Biology and you’re majoring in Astrophysics.”

 

His mouth is open. “Astrophysics? Isn’t that really difficult?”

 

Sugawara looks at Kuroo and shrugs. “You love it. Somehow.”

 

He furrowed his eyebrows. He’s attending university. His parents came from Miyagi to see him. He’s currently in a hospital in Tokyo. He plays volleyball. He’s majoring in astrophysics. There’s a mountain of gifts in the corner of his eye. These must not be his only friends.

 

“We’re your only friends.” Kuroo says, noticing how Oikawa keeps looking at the pile and the balloons. “Your real friends, anyways. You just have a lot of admirers. And you’re a flirt.” Suga nods in agreement, and the third person finally coughs. “Matsukawa Issei.” He says nothing else, and Oikawa watches him with a small amount of suspicion. There’s something glossy in his eyes - oh, it’s just tears.

 

“Sorry,” The tall man mumbles, covering his mouth with his hand. “Excuse me.” He turns and steps out of the room, leaving Oikawa feeling more guilty than he wanted to.

 

“Did I do something?” He wondered aloud and Kuroo sighed again. “No, you two have just know each other since high school. Hanamaki too, and he's coming by later now that you're awake. And also-”

 

“Kuroo.” Sugawara says softly. Kuroo stops. He visibly swallows, and Oikawa narrows his eyes. “What?”

 

Kuroo waves his hand. “Nothing. Don't worry about it. We’ll explain everything later. You look like you're about to pass out too.”

 

That was true. He was getting sleepy again. He lets Sugawara help him get back into a sleeping position and watches him as Kuroo and him stand by his side...awkwardly.

 

He feels bad. “I'm sorry.” He mumbles. Kuroo looks like he's unsure of what to say, but Sugawara is quick to reassure him that it's nothing.

 

He sighs. “It's not nothing. Clearly, we’re friends and there's stuff that's happened between us. I have to be a pretty weird person to be seen in public with your weird bedhair and I have to be borderline insane to be studying astronomy or whatever-”

 

“Hey!”

“Kuroo.”

 

He continues. “I don't even feel comfortable with that name. _Oikawa Tooru._ It sounds a little pretentious. I'm so tired.” He pauses. “I'm sorry for being annoying. For causing you guys pain. You're probably good people. You're better off without me.”

 

“That's not true.” Oikawa widens his eyes when he sees Matsukawa back at the entrance of the door. His eyes are red, and he walks towards the bed with his hands in his pockets and a slight hunch in his back. “Oikawa, I know you don't remember anything right now. But you’ve done so much for so many people. This accident means nothing. We’re all going to help you recover and soon, it’ll be like nothing ever happened.” Matsukawa sniffs and Oikawa looks at him wide eyes. “Dumbass. At least your self-deprecation hasn’t changed.”

 

Oikawa furrows his eyes. “Somehow, that last bit seems wrong coming out of your mouth.” He says softly. Matsukawa seems surprised, but then smiles a little. “Maybe you remember more than you think.” He says playfully, and Oikawa thinks that _playful_ fits Matsukawas personality much better.

 

Kuroo and Sugawara are looking at Matsukawa with something unreadable that Oikawa can’t recognize. Then Sugawara shrugs and looks back at Oikawa with...relief? He can’t tell.

 

“Alright.” Oikawa says finally. “I trust you guys. I’m just-”

 

“Scared?” Kuroo cuts in. Oikawa frowns and points at Kuroo’s forehead. “I trust you considerably less.” Kuroo smiles. “Good. Then we’re on the right track.”

 

Sugawara chuckles. “C’mon Kuroo, let’s not be like that. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to start over. You two don’t have to become friends through fists and blood.”

 

Oikawa raises an eyebrow. “Fists and blood?”

 

Kuroo laughs sheepishly. “When we first met, you really didn’t trust me at all!”

 

“I'm not surprised.” Oikawa says dryly. “Are you usually this much of an ass-”

 

“Yes, he is.” Sugawara laughs suddenly. Matsukawa is smiling. “Man, it's like nothing's changed.”

 

Oikawa frowns. _But things have clearly changed. They're still holding themselves back._ “How long have I known you guys again?” He asks, trying to change the subject. He wants to keep talking. Maybe if he keeps talking, he'll learn more about himself and then maybe it won't be so awkward anymore.

 

Matsukawa motions to himself. “Since high school, so about 5 years. Aoba Josai High. We played on the same volleyball team there. I go to a different college here but we still make an effort to see each other every other weekend or so.”

 

Sugawara nods. “I actually went to a different school in Miyagi as well. We knew each other's faces, but it wasn't until 2 years ago we had the same classes.” There's a fond little smile on his face. “You know, that first class we had together? It was History. Ancient Japanese history. It was the worst and the best of times. You and I would always make fun of the mean professor and man, did that guy hate us for it. You were the reason that the whole campus found out that he was bald, and one day, you actually ticked him off so much that his wig flew off while he was yelling at you. It landed on your head. It was one of the best days of my life.” Sugawara finishes with a reminiscent smile on his face. Kuroo seems to remember the day well, judging by the smirk on his face. And it seems like even Matsukawa has heard the story a million times, from the way his eyes light up and crinkle in amusement.

 

Oikawa really doesn’t remember anything at all. These people know him better than he knows himself. He wants to crawl under his sheets or get on his knees and _apologize._

 

_I’m sorry for causing you pain._

_  
_ _I’m sorry for being a bother._

 

_I’m sorry for not remembering._

 

“But hey, don’t worry about anything.” Sugawara’s voice cuts through his thoughts. “I know all of this must seem pretty daunting right now, but we’re going to help you. Me, Kuroo, Matsukawa-san, Hanamaki-san, Daichi...I mean, even Kageyama and Hinata were worried about you.”

 

Kuroo nods. “Kenma, Bokuto, and Akaashi too. You’ll re-meet them eventually.”

 

Matsukawa nods. “And Yahaba, Kyotani...Watari, Kindachi, and Kunimi. Old teammates from our high school. You’re pretty close with them. They’ll want to help.”

 

Oikawa nods slowly. None of those names sound familiar to him, but he’s willing to learn. A nurse sticks her head into the room and says, “Visiting hours will be over soon.” and looks pointedly at the three boys.

 

Kuroo apologizes profusely while Sugawara gets all their coats and distributes them to each person. _Like a mother,_ he thinks to himself.

 

“We’ll be taking our leave then!” Sugawara calls, smiling kindly at him. “We’ll come again tomorrow, with more people - so be ready.” Kuroo adds with another smirk. Matsukawa nods and finally, the three of them leave.

 

He’s alone.

 

The AC is buzzing again. It’s definitely late now. There’s a bad taste in Oikawa’s mouth, but it’s not because he’s hungry or he doesn’t remember the last time he brushed his teeth.

 

The get-well balloon is by the door now. He didn’t realize that there were several get-well balloons in the room. _Admirers huh. Balloons are tacky. They’re kind of cute though. Much cuter than the teddy bears, and the cards, and the chocolates, and the volleyballs. The admirer who brought the balloon definitely wins._

 

And with that, Oikawa falls asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


At some point when he’s awake, he goes to the bathroom and cleans up. It’s probably isn’t the first time he’s ever looked in a mirror, but this is the for sure the first time he’s really seeing himself clearly. After taking a shower, he wipes the mirror down from the steam. He has bad eyes. He’s wearing glasses. He’s got this sickly looking body, creaky and unused lean arms, even though the doctors say he’s making physical improvements. He can’t believe that he’s supposed to be an athlete on the side from his studying. His hair is wet from the shower, but it’s dark brown, and it’s long. There are bags under his eyes. His eyes are the most boring shade of brown he could’ve ever imagined.

 

He doesn’t seem particularly interesting. _Oikawa Tooru_ sounds like a name meant for a superstar or something. At his current state, he feels like anything but a superstar. Losing interest, he turns off the lights and leaves the bathroom.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Different people have come to the room to see him every waking hour of every day, and he’s ready for it to be over.

 

His “parents” visit him, but it’s kind of a blur, and their interactions don’t mean as much to him as he feels they should. They go back to Miyagi a day before he’s set to leave the hospital. Oikawa hides in the bathroom while he eavesdrops on his parents pleas to Sugawara to take care of him. Their tone seems over-exaggerated and Sugawara doesn’t seem impressed. (He makes a mental note to ask Sugawara later exactly what his relationship with his parents is supposed to be.)

 

Sugawara seems to fit his wants and needs in a best friend. He’s always in the room. They talk the most. Not necessarily about the past, but just stuff in general.

 

“Is your hair dyed, or naturally grey?”

 

“Dyed. Ever since middle school.”

 

“Any particular reason why?”

 

“I think it fits me. Also, Daichi loves it.”

 

He learns that Sawamura Daichi is Sugawara’s boyfriend. They attended Karasuno High School and their volleyball teams actually played against each other once. (Oikawa’s team lost. The story doesn’t feel complete after Sugawara finishes it. In the back of his mind, he wonders if Sugawara always tells him the truth.)

 

The next time Kuroo comes back, he brings a whole cast of characters.

 

Oikawa has recovered physically enough that he can move easily now. He sits up in his bed while people clamber over themselves to talk to him.

 

The boy with dark roots and bleached hair is Kozume Kenma (Kuroo has a crush, he can already tell). The excited one that acts like an owl and looks the part is Bokuto Koutarou (another member on the volleyball team), and his boyfriend is Akaashi Keiji, a quiet photography major who tells Oikawa that they work together on astronomy related projects.

 

There’s others, but Oikawa slowly loses focus.

 

(None of these people seem important. There’s something missing. He just can’t figure out what.)

 

But when Matsukawa comes back with a pink-haired man (who breaks into tears upon seeing Oikawa at first sight), there’s a slight pang in his heart.

 

“You’re Hanamaki?” He asks hesitantly, as the other man shakes his hand through his tears. (He’s been shaking people’s hands in greeting all day. His hand burns a little.) “Yes, idiot. Hanamaki Takahiro. We’ve known each other for five years, you love milk bread, and your knee is fucked up because you overwork it. I’m not even the one who should be telling you this but-” Matsukawa grabs Hanamaki’s wrist, and he stops.

 

Oikawa is overwhelmed. _Milk bread? Telling me what?_

  


_Wait._

  


_My knee?_

  


“Takahiro, he knows. Calm down.” Hanamaki looks at Matsukawa with wide eyes. “He knows?”

 

“He knows that we’ve known him for five years.”

 

“I haven’t had milk bread in forever.” Oikawa breathes in wonder. Sugawara gets up from the corner (Oikawa had forgotten he was even there), and mumbles a hasty excuse before grabbing the two other men and pushing them out of the room.

 

Oikawa is a little shocked to say the least.

 

_They’re definitely keeping something from you._

  
  
  


_What’s wrong with your knee?_

  


He pulls off the hospital bed covers and peers down to examine it over his glasses. It seems perfectly fine. He presses on the top of it. It’s fine. He grips the whole of it tightly. Slight pressure but nothing serious. After a moment, he presses harder.

 

Harder.

 

 **Harder**.

 

Something crawls up his nerves like a poisonous spider or something and _it hurts like hell_ and now there are definitely tears coming out of his eyes, and the door opens.

 

The three men come back into the room, Sugawara holding a milk bread in his hand from the hospital cafeteria and Hanamaki looking guilty. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes. Oikawa has thrown the hospital covers over his now-swollen knee and smiles politely through the pain. “It’s fine. Please don’t worry about it.”

 

The four of them overcome the awkwardness somehow and they fall into an easy conversation about Miyagi.

  
  
  


(Later, he does ask Sugawara if they always tell him the truth. Eyes hooded, Sugawara tells him that they always tell him the truth, but they go at the pace they believe Oikawa needs in order to take in the information better. It’s a bullshit answer, but his parents are gone, and apparently he and Sugawara share an apartment, so Oikawa plasters on a smile and thanks Sugawara for his honesty.)

 

After a lot of tests and stuff, the doctor explains to him that he’s cleared to go home the next morning. Sugawara takes care of all the technicalities for him. He dozes on and off throughout the entire explanation. Apparently he’s doing just fine.

 

It doesn’t feel like he’s fine, but he’s the one who can’t remember shit, _so his opinion doesn’t really matter._

 

“You ready to go home yet?” When Sugawara isn’t in the room with him, it’s Matsukawa and Hanamaki. They both attend a smaller college in Tokyo, one that’s actually closer to the current hospital he’s in. He likes them both. They’re comforting and easy to talk to, despite the two of them clearly holding stuff back from him. Matsukawa asked the question. Oikawa looks up from the handwritten letter some girl from his english class has sent to him. “Home?” He asks.  
  
“Well, you and Suga-kun’s apartment. University. Classes. Homework. All your admirers.” There's a grin on Hanamaki’s face, and Matsukawa laughs at Oikawa’s horrified expression. “I have to go back?” He whispers dramatically, and the other two seem to know something he doesn't and they smile in unison.

 

Creepy.

 

“Volleyball practice.”

 

“Working out.”

 

“Grades.”

 

“Teachers.”

 

“Astrophysics.”

 

Then, together “Yuck.”

 

Oikawa raises his hand. “I get it. I have a hard life awaiting me out in the real world.” Matsukawa shakes his head. “You have no idea.” Hanamaki sobs dramatically. “I'll be so worried when baby Oikawa flies off into the adult world~” Oikawa fixes a hard stare on Hanamaki. “I’m not a child.”

 

Hanamaki isn’t even phased. “Issei and I will come visit every weekend now, so expect to be surrounded by people at all times for the next weeks or so! Hey, since we’ll already be downtown, let's go eat at the good BBQ place, Issei, you know the one I'm talking about?”

 

“The one next to the sushi place or the one near the karaoke place?”

 

“Here let me show you~”

 

Oikawa watches Hanamaki pull out his phone and Matsukawa leans in (very close, kind of in the way Suga leaned into Daichi when he visited), and Oikawa tilts his head to the side.  


“Are you two dating?”

 

It comes out of nowhere. Out of the blue. It’s thrown off a skyscraper and it falls to the ground below with the most disheartening thud. He can hear the silence, and for once the AC is off at the worst time. Oikawa wants to slam his head against the wall.

 

Matsukawa laughs and Hanamaki smirks. “Yeah, actually. We are.” Matsukawa smiles at Oikawa. “You never had a problem before-”

  
“I don’t have a problem!” Oikawa flushes. He pouts. “I was just curious. I know Sugawara and Daichi are a thing, and I’m pretty sure Akaashi-san and that owl head is too...and doesn’t Kuroo have a crush on his childhood friend?” Hanamaki chuckles. “You’re spot on!” He points little finger guns. Oikawa rolls his eyes at the charming display. “Oikawa, it’s good that you’re so good at recognizing these things! It’ll probably help you remember things a lot more!”

 

Oikawa frowns, and immediately Hanamaki and Matsukawa feel the sudden change in mood.  
  
“I haven’t remembered anything yet though…” He mumbles, almost more to himself than anything. “I’m not sure if i’m supposed to work harder at it or-”

 

“Hey.” Hanamaki, suddenly very serious, placing a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about anything. You’re just remembering everything at your own pace, and that’s fine. There’s no rush. Your teachers understand. Your coaches understand. It’s okay. Everyone only has their best interest in heart for you.”

 

(Only a few people have been able to really get away with touching Oikawa in a familiar way lately. Sugawara, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki. Sure, his parents are the only ones who actually hug him...but it still feels distant.)

 

Oikawa nods, swallowing thickly. “I know. Still, it’s just…”

 

“Frustrating?”

 

“Annoying?”

 

“Yeah.” Oikawa says lamely. “All of that and more.”

 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa give him the most shit-eating grin he could’ve possibly imagined. He gets two hard slaps on the back.

 

“Don’t worry!” Matsukawa drawls.

 

“We’ll be there every step of the way.” Hanamaki says casually, like the words don't claw at Oikawa's weak heart.

 

“That's what best friends are for?” Oikawa said quietly, after a moment of silence.

 

He can't see their reaction because they smother him in a hug. It's the most human contact he's gotten since he woke up. He's tearing up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sugawara is about to leave Oikawa by himself for his last night in the hospital when Oikawa suddenly says “Hey Sugawara-kun.”

 

“Mm?”

 

“How many days have I been awake?”

 

“Oh, I think about 5 days now. Hey, remember that we're leaving to go home tomorrow.”

 

“Okayy. But hey, how many days was I asleep?”

 

Sugawara was quiet. “A while.”

 

“Tch.” Oikawa and Sugawara have gotten close enough to the point where Oikawa feels comfortable with being annoyed with his refreshing roommate. “Could I have a serious answer?”

 

The AC is on again. Sugawara is standing near the pile of gifts and has his hands on his hips, like he's unsure of what to do.

 

“Ah...two months. You were in a coma for a long time. Any longer and they would've had to-” Sugawara cuts himself off. His hands drop from his hips and he balls them up into fists at his side.

 

Somehow, a new get-well balloon has appeared while Oikawa was passed out. It floats near the other numerous amounts of balloons. He’s seen the nurses who walk by the open door. They seem to be frustrated with the amount of material affection he seems to be getting.

 

“Hey Sugawara-kun.” Oikawa’s tongue feels dry, and he’s not sure if he really wants to keep bothering Sugawara like this, but he has to know and he has to know now. “What happened to me?”

 

“What do you mean?” Sugawara’s voice is a little higher than usual.

 

“Well, in all the time I’ve been awake, nobody has told me how I got here in the first place.”

 

Sugawara is silent. It scares Oikawa. Is he going to tell him the truth?

  
  
  


_The corner of a crowded street. His throat burns. It’s raining. His head is throbbing and his heart is pounding, and he wants to scream. There’s somebody missing, missing from his head, from his mind. He can’t think of the name, but that person - is the reason for all of this. For making everything glow. For making everything hurt. It’s raining, but it feels like he’s drowning. And he sees the person he’s chasing on the other side of the street. He screams. He starts to walk across the crosswalk. It’s raining, and he’s yelling their name, and he breaks into a run and doesn’t hear the screams from behind him and then_

  
  
  


“You were hit by a bus. As crazy as that sounds.” Sugawara chuckles breathlessly. “Witnesses saw you run in front of it and everything, and then **you were hit by a bus**. It was unbelievable. I mean, we all knew you were a drama queen sometimes, but this really took the fucking cake. When you were in the coma, we had no idea as to why you did it. We didn’t know if you were depressed, or if you did it by accident. And now, we’ll never really know for sure why any of this happened.” Sugawara turns around finally to face Oikawa with teary eyes. “But, now, we’ll for sure know to never let you out of our damn sights again - shit, are you okay?!”

 

Oikawa is crying. There are tears running down his face. Sugawara rushes over and leans in before Oikawa is suddenly grabbing his shirt and pulling him into a tight hug. Sugawara widens his eyes in surprise, but lets it happen.

 

“I remembered something.” Oikawa whispers, almost choking on his own tears.

 

“What was it?” Sugawara asks gently.

 

Oikawa squeezes onto his shirt even tighter, and Sugawara drops it. He lets Oikawa cry into his shoulder. And Oikawa breaks down, like the world is ending and nothing can save him from falling. After a while of sobbing and comforting, Sugawara urges Oikawa to sleep. “Coming back home tomorrow might be exhausting, so get some rest.” He says and waves goodbye before leaving the room. Oikawa watches him leave with red eyes and then proceeds to stare at the ceiling fan until his eyes close.

  
(With him, he takes all the gifts from the admirers - the teddy bears, the volleyballs, and everything. But not the balloons. Oikawa said he liked them, so Sugawara lets them stay in the room for his last night.)

  
  
  
  
  
  


There’s some shuffling happening in the room, and Oikawa groggily opens his eyes. It’s late. It has to be, because the room is almost completely dark save the hospital hallway fluorescent lights pouring in from the open door. _Intruder,_ his brain helpfully supplies to him. _No, probably a nurse._ He tries to reassure himself.

 

There’s more shuffling. Oikawa forces his eyes to open a little wider and he looks to the corner of his eyes. His eyes widen on their own.

 

A dark shape, big and wide, and definitely not a nurse is hulking in the corner of the doorway, one hand typing in something on a phone and the other hand - _a get-well balloon that is clearly new and not deflated at all._

 

Oikawa sits in silence for a few moments, watching the man as he sends off a text (the iphone ringer is on) and shove his phone in his pocket. He’s wearing a jacket over a long-sleeved shirt and dark pants, and boots? Oikawa’s travel up to his head, where he sees spiky hair and then to his face where his eyes - oh, whoops. They made eye contact.

 

“Shit.”

 

Oikawa’s eyes widen and he struggles to push himself up into a sitting position. He remembers that voice. Definitely. For sure. _From where?_

 

“You’re not supposed to be awake.”

 

The voice is rough, and it cracks around the edges and Oikawa feels it crawl under his skin, begging to be remembered, begging to be answered.

 

“Who are you?” Is all he can let out breathlessly. The strangers eyes widen in response, and he steps into the room and the door closes behind him.

 

It’s dark now. The lights from the city stream in through the blinds, and it’s just barely enough for Oikawa to follow the man as he gently sets down the get-well balloon in the corner where all the other unique little balloons float.

 

“What happened to all the other gifts?” The voice is back again. Oikawa’s weak.

 

“Who are you?”

 

“Why are the balloons the only thing left?”

 

Oikawa pouts. “You’re not even listening to me. If you’re not gonna tell me who you are, get out.”

 

The stranger finally turns to look at him. “Alright. Goodbye.” He actually has the nerve to walk towards the door before Oikawa says “Stop! Don’t leave. God.” The stranger does stop, but he doesn’t turn around.

 

“Who are you?” Oikawa tries again. He needs to know why this stranger is familiar and nobody else is.

 

“Nobody important.” The voice tries to reply smoothly, but Oikawa can hear right through it.

  
“The get-well balloons are my favorite. You’ve suddenly become very important.” Oikawa almost snarls, but remembers to keep his temper in check.

 

The stranger is silent, and Oikawa rakes his eyes over the back of his neck appreciatively.

 

“You really don’t remember me? Or are you just fucking with me?”

 

Oikawa blinks. Then shrinks into himself a little bit. “Amnesia.” He says very softly. The strangers tense shoulders seem to freeze, but then they finally loosen up. “What do you remember?”

 

“Next to nothing, asshole. I didn’t even know my own name when I woke up. Now that you’re here, the least you can do is tell me how you know me.” Oikawa is feeling tired again, but he refuses to sleep when this very important stranger is still in his room.

 

The stranger turns around slightly, but not enough for Oikawa to see his full face. “You’re tired. You need rest. Go to sleep.”

 

Oikawa crosses his arms. “I refuse. Tell me who you are.”

 

The stranger shakes his head. Oikawa’s eyes are drooping and he has to uncross his arms to steady himself with his hands on the bed sheets. “Please.” Oikawa gives up. He begs. “I need to know why you seem so familiar when I can’t even recognize my own mother-”

 

“Don’t trust your mother.” The stranger cuts him off and Oikawa lets out a little sob. “What?” He whispers, but the stranger finally turns around fully and before Oikawa knows it, he’s engulfed in something warm.

 

Something so warm. Strong. He smells like ...basil? Definitely something fresh, almost like clean laundry. It reminds him of home. Not the Miyagi home. Not the Sugawara home. Home. _Like somewhere he lived before his accident._

 

And before he knows it, the strong arms release the embrace and push him gently down to the bed. Oikawa breathes heavily, tears in his eyes.

 

“Who are you?” He whispers one more time.

 

“I’m serious. Don’t trust your parents. Trust Sugawara-kun.” Oikawa tears up even more and he’s about to start bawling. The stranger immediately panics and presses his cool hand to the nape of Oikawa’s neck, and he doesn’t know how or why, but he doesn’t feel like bawling anymore and settles instead for quiet sniffles.

 

“Tooru.” Hearing his name come out of this strangers mouth is disorienting, but it doesn’t feel wrong, and it’s killing him inside.

 

“I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself from now on. Get well.”

 

There’s something light and delicate that presses against his forehead. Oikawa cries out an unfamiliar name in delirium, and it sounds so right, and even the stranger flinches at the familiarity of it. Oikawa can feel the warmth of the stranger leave when the stranger gets off the bed. And there’s nothing Oikawa can do to reach for the fading sense of familiarity as the stranger opens the door, looks back, and then leaves.

 

Leaving Oikawa alone.

 

He closes his eyes. The newest get-well balloon has drifted over to the ceiling fan, and finally, it touches the still planes. It still smells like basil and clean laundry. Sleep has never overtaken him so quickly before.

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooooo hello! it's been like two years oml since i've posted anything. i've been on and off haha. 
> 
> this is very exciting for me. i've always loved iwaoi, and i've just started listening to all this music that led me to create this storyline, and i'm just so hyped to write this. i have a lot of hopes for this, seeing as i almost cried in writing the first chapter lol! 
> 
> let me know if you have any questions, please leave kudos and comments if you liked it (that helps me write faster), and to get spoilers for the next chapters, take a look at my [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/oceanrosiex/playlist/5lmm022xCl4GjNXmr4yT2d)  
> ! the title is not the same as the actual story but we'll see the reason for that very soon...
> 
> I hope you enjoy this as much I enjoyed writing it!


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